


Damie: A Vision

by comicc_bookk_jawnss



Category: Derry Girls (TV), Fleabag (TV), Friends (TV), The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV), WandaVision (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, but will still be fluffy, canon compliant and divergent, will get more angsty as it gets more meta
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29004303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comicc_bookk_jawnss/pseuds/comicc_bookk_jawnss
Summary: WandaVision-inspired reinterpretation of Dani and Jamie scenes from The Haunting of Bly Manor as 90s-2010s TV comedies, including Friends, Derry Girls, Fleabag, general mockumentary-style and more to be added...Written in pseudo-screenplay-style. It will make more sense once you get into it... sort of.
Relationships: Dani Clayton & Jamie, Dani Clayton/Jamie
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	Damie: A Vision

##  The One Where Dani Moves In- _Friends_

**Jamie (American accent):** Thank you, Hannah, but I don’t want to be set up. (stage whisper) All the girls around here are crazy about Owen, anyway.

Jamie, sitting at the head of the table, gives Hannah, sitting on the left side, a knowing look, flustering her. Laugh track. Owen, a few feet away, preparing lunch doesn’t hear.

 **Jamie:** Perfectly content staying single.

On cue, Dani walks into the kitchen with Flora and Miles, who run over to the table and sit down on the right side, mid-argument.

 **Flora (American accent):** I think my essay is awesome!

 **Miles (American accent):** But you spelled ‘color’ wrong!

 **Flora:** Miss Clayton said I spelled it the British way!

Miles rolls his eyes.

 **Miles:** But we’re not in Britain, are we, Flora?

Laugh track. Flora huffs and turns to Dani for support. But then her anger dissipates as she cocks her head.

 **Flora:** Miss Clayton, aren’t you gonna sit down?

Pan over to Dani who’s still standing in the doorway, seemingly transfixed. Pan over to Jamie who had been focused on Miles and Flora’s dispute but looks up now and furrows her brow. Laugh track.

Miles, sitting closest to Dani, turns around now, too.

 **Miles:** Miss Clayton?

Dani snaps out it, shaking her head. Laugh track.

 **Dani (mildly posh British accent):** Oh, yes… yes, of course.

She laughs awkwardly and power walks over to sit next to Hannah, exaggeratedly avoiding looking at Jamie, who is now staring at her.

 **Hannah (American accent):** Perfectly content, huh?

Jamie snaps out of it and looks over to find Hannah smirking. Laugh track. Jamie glares at her and opens her mouth to respond.

 **Owen (American accent):** Who’s hungry?!

Owen turns around, smiling, holding two plates with sandwiches. Flora and Miles eagerly wave their hands and nearly stand.

 **Flora & Miles:** Me, me, me!

Owen cocks his head as he walks toward the table.

 **Owen:** Sorry, I don’t know who “me” is.

 **Jamie:** Me neither, but Jamie is hungry.

Owen sets down a plate in front of her. Laugh track.

 **Miles:** That’s not fair!

 **Jamie:** Is your name “Jamie”?

 **Miles:** No, but -

 **Flora:** You’re an adult!

Jamie scoffs.

 **Jamie:** And that’s my fault?!

Laugh track. Dani laughs, too. Noticing, Jamie glances over, smiling to herself. Dani is looking at the kids, who Owen is now setting down plates in front of.

 **Flora:** Thank you, Owen!

 **Owen:** Your welcome, “me.”

Laugh track. Flora giggles. Feeling Hannah’s eyes on her, Jamie turns back to her. Hannah is smirking as she brings a mug to her lips. Jamie tries to glare again but is having a harder time now.

 **Jamie:** Don’t -

Hannah takes a sip and lowers the mug.

 **Hannah:** I didn’t say anything. 

##  ___________________________

##  Across The Barricade - _Derry Girls_

**Jamie (N. Irish accent):** You alright?

Jamie, coming up on the right, puts down the gardening supplies she’s holding. Dani, hyperventilating behind a big potted plant by the front door, freezes, turns her head toward the manor and tries to slow her rapid breathing.

 **Jamie:** Weans run ye ragged?

 **Dani (N. Irish accent, shakily):** Aye.

 **Jamie:** Feckers.

Dani gasps and turns around to face her, scandalized.

 **Dani:** Jamie!

 **Jamie:** What? I’m not bleedin’ Mary Poppins, am I?

Dani laughs, despite herself. Jamie smiles. But then Dani turns somber once more and looks down, drawing lines with foot in the gravel.

 **Jamie:** Look, you’re doin’ great.

Dani doesn’t look up.

 **Jamie:** Well, you’re doin’ decent.

Dani looks up, horrified. But then she sees Jamie is smiling and relaxes slightly, a smile playing at that corners of her mouth.

 **Jamie:** I mean you’re not with ’em right now, are ye? Feels like a pretty basic part ah your job.

Dani scoffs, getting worked up again.

 **Dani:** Oh, and - and you’re an expert?

Jamie cocks her head.

 **Jamie:** Pretty sure I just said I wasn’t.

Jamie smirks as Dani grows flustered. Jamie picks her gardening supplies up off the ground.

 **Jamie:** Chin up, Poppins.

As Jamie heads inside, Dani scoffs again.

 **Dani:** Dick!

Jamie freezes as she reaches for the door and steps back a few paces. Her smirk is gone.

 **Jamie:** What’d ye say?

Dani blanches.

 **Dani:** Nothing.

Jamie’s expression darkens.

 **Jamie:** I’ll not ask ye again.

Dani sighs.

 **Dani (mumbling):** Dick.

 **Jamie:** Sorry, didn’t catch that.

Dani groans in frustration.

 **Dani:** Dick! I called ye a “dick.”

For a moment, Jamie just stares at her, and then she smiles.

 **Jamie:** Oh… right, then.

Dani relaxes slightly but now looks bewildered.

 **Jamie:** Slainte, Poppins.

Jamie heads inside for real. Dani watches her, still confused but slowly smiling.

##  ___________________________

##  Message Received - _Mockumentary_

**Jamie (N. British accent):** Rather that was you curled up there?

Jamie, sitting next to Dani on the couch in the living room, nods toward Owen and Hannah napping on chairs a couple feet away. Hannah’s head is resting on Owen’s shoulder. And Owen’s head is resting on hers. Miles and Flora are asleep on the floor.

 **Dani (talking head, Midwest American accent):** No!

Dani laughs awkwardly, then looks back down at the photo she’s holding of Rebecca and Peter.

 **Dani:** They look like Bonnie and Clyde.

 **Jamie (talking head):** Yeah, if Clyde (bleeped) Bonnie over.

 **Jamie (to Dani):** He got away. She paid the price.

Dani turns to Jamie.

 **Dani:** So, what he’s stalking a dead woman? Risking prison for someone he didn’t even bother to bring along? That doesn’t make sense.

 **Jamie:** The wrong kinda love can mess ya up. Follow you. Make ya do some really stupid -

Jamie catches herself, worrying maybe she’s gone a bit to far. She clears her throat.

 **Dani:** We’ve all been in the wrong kinda love for one reason or another.

Jamie shakes her head.

 **Jamie:** Not like them. That was…

Jamie sighs and faces forward. It’s silent for a moment.

 **Dani:** Possession.

Jamie turns back to her in surprise.

 **Jamie:** Yeah.

 **Dani:** I don’t think that should be possible. I mean they’re opposites, really: love and ownership.

Dani looks deep into her eyes, and Jamie looks back, rather in awe.

 **Jamie (talking head):** Yeah.

Dani and Jamie continue staring at each other.

 **Hannah (British accent):** The children really ought to be in bed.

 **Dani (talking head):** *groans in frustation*

*****

We see Jamie and Dani from a distance outside the manor, the camera seemingly nestled in a bush on the grounds. Jamie heads for her car. Dani follows a step behind her, then catches up.

 **Dani:** I’m so glad… you… stayed.

Jamie turns to her. Dani looks ahead. They walk in silence for a moment.

 **Jamie:** I am, too.

Dani turns back to her. Jamie continues walking to her car and then turns around to face Jamie. The camera zooms in slightly, but we still can only see their side profiles as they look into each other’s eyes. After a few moments, Dani reaches over and takes Jamie’s hand. Jamie looks down in surprise, then back up at Dani.

 **Jamie (talking head):** Who the hell knew?

Jamie almost smiles but then jolts.

 **Jamie (talking head):** Wait, how’d ya -

 **Dani (separate talking head):** You filmed that?!

Dani blushes furiously.

 **Jamie (talking head):** The (bleep)?!

Dani shakes her head.

 **Dani (talking head):** I - I can’t believe -

Dani freezes and cocks her head.

 **Dani:** Wait, what did Jamie say… when - when you…

Dani laughs awkwardly.

 **Dani:** Never mind. That would be…

 **Producer (off-screen):** Do you want to know?

Dani hesitates but only for a moment.

 **Dani:** Yes.

##  ___________________________

##  Episode 4 - _Fleabag_

Jamie knocks on Dani’s bedroom door.

 **Jamie (saucy British accent):** You decent?

After a moment, a small but warm voice call out from inside.

 **Dani (S. Irish accent):** Come in.

Jamie steps inside wearing a black jumpsuit and jacket. Dani turns around and gapes.

 **Dani:** Oh!… you look…

 **Jamie (to camera, smugly):** Yes?

 **Jamie (to Dani, more aloof):** I can scrub up when I need to.

Jamie closes the door and walks toward Dani.

 **Jamie:** Funeral starts at 4. Owen says we should get there early.

 **Dani:** Okay.

 **Jamie:** That’s quite a dress.

Jamie sits down on the ottoman at the end of Dani’s bed. Dani laughs awkwardly.

 **Dani:** Yeah, it’s the only thing I had in black. ****

Dani looks down.

 **Dani:** I - I hate it.

 **Jamie:** Does look a bit like you’re trying to scandalize the village.

 **Jamie (to camera):** Can’t say I fault the general principle.

 **Dani:** I just don’t want to let Owen down.

 **Jamie:** He won’t mind.

Dani looks back up.

 **Jamie:** Honestly… you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.

 **Dani:** Yeah?

 **Jamie:** He said as much, pretty clear.

Dani laughs awkwardly again, rubbing the back of her neck.

 **Dani:** That’s a relief, actually.

 **Jamie (to camera):** Her neck.

Dani clears her throat.

 **Dani:** I had a funeral in my own life, not so long ago. And I feel like this is, ehm -

 **Jamie (to camera):** Her beautiful neck.

Jamie stands up and steps closer to Dani, smiling.

 **Jamie:** Hey… Poppins, it’s your day off… I promise I don’t need you to be my date to Owen’s mum’s funeral.

Dani laughs, genuinely this time, and lowers her hand to her side.

 **Dani:** Okay, okay…Then can you help me get this thing off?

 **Jamie (to camera):** Blimey.

 **Dani:** Who are you talkin’ to?

Caught off-guard, Jamie turns to look at Dani, who’s looking at her curiously.

 **Jamie:** What?

 **Dani:** Who are you talkin’ to when you do that? You just kinda disappear.

Dani glances toward the camera. Jamie goes wide-eyed, but then clears her throat and tries to laugh it off.

 **Jamie:** What?

 **Dani:** Jamie…

 **Jamie (innocently):** Dani!

Dani narrows her eyes.

 **Dani:** Right…

Dani clearly doesn’t buy it but decides to drop it.

 **Dani:** So the dress, then?

 **Jamie (instinctively to camera):** Right!

She realizes her mistakes as she turns back to find Dani giving her a questioning looking. Jamie clears her throat.

 **Jamie (to Dani):** Right.

Jamie steps behind Dani, clears her throat once more and starts unzipping her dress.

 **Dani:** Thank you.

Dani suddenly gasps, jolts and turns 45 degrees. Jamie immediately steps back, taking her hands off her.

 **Jamie:** Did I pinch you?

Dani laughs awkwardly.

 **Dani:** No, I’m sorry.

 **Jamie:** Don’t be…

Dani and Jamie look at each other in silence for a moment, then Jamie clears her throat.

 **Jamie:** Well, I’ll be back in a few hours…

Dani smiles. Jamie does, too.

 **Dani:** Okay.

 **Jamie:** And if I find out you’ve not been relaxing… there will be serious consequences.

Jamie winks at the camera as Dani laughs.

 **Dani:** Okay.

Jamie gives her one more quick smile, then walks out the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Not quite sure how many chapters there will be, probably two to three more. So stayed tune!
> 
> P.S. I'm on Tumblr: @comic-book-jawns


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